I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
