The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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