come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
