So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
