i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
