Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
