Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
