i think my mom watched the whole time
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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