If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
