So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Randomize
