yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Randomize
