Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
