Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
