is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
