I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
