I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
