it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
