so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
where does the pee come out of this thing
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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