Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
