I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
