I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
