He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
