Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
