I think my fart just growled at me.
where am i from again
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Randomize
