no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
