just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
It's blow job season.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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