walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
