final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
