he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
