New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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