i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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