He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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