My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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