Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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