I puked a lego.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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