Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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