The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
