Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
