so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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