I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
