K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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