She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
