I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
