sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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