if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
