There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
