so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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