I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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