It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
