i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
