Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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