How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
