My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
